Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
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Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
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I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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