he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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