If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
