Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
