matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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