tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
