Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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