My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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