We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
