after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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