Can i not drive my cunt home
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
