mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I could fuck to npr.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
