@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
