We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
