Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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