i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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