Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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