walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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