I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
