I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
