I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
