ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
