how can u be prego again
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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