We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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