??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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