yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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