do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
