Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
