Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
