My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
