Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
