You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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