you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Its about making memories worth repressing
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
