The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
