my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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