And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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