I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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