All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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