weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
