he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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