I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
