he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
