goodnight i made you a song goodbye
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
