did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
