I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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