the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
