She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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