theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
