There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Randomize
