i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
