its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Randomize
