best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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