I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
