I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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