wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
