haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize