so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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