I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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