is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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