he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
