just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize