Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
