Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
