I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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