Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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