He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
