I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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