Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
