worst night to have a conscience
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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