Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
