At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
