Where is the hickey?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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