Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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